I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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