not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
