Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
