had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
