I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
