im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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