He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
