I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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