He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
