I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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