This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
