just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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