I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
