she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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