you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
