Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
