you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the room spins SO much faster in panama
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
