he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
