Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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