What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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