I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
