I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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