and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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