I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
