just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
50% drunk capacity currently
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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