I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
