I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
