Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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