so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
