Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
