craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
