I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
