Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
