I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
be right there i have to get my cape
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
