You made me cry and you don't even care
he shaved USA in his pubs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
