So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize