did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
