he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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