I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
