dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
