so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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