you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
