Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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