Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
