i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
