Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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