Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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