Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
