Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
