I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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