I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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