you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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