I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
