Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
