Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
