I wish I could teleport
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
