If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
