dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
