i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
