why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
