The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
