I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
