Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
