I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
