wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
