My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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