I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
