Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
