sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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