I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
