Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
