Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
