I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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