I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
