And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
