Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

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(708): View more from Illinois

We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?

(816): View more from Missouri

Regretting asking you what you were doing.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass

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