Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think i have herpe
just one?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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